I am editing a gift book, working title: Tell The Frankenstein: Things Kids Thought The Song Said. (Ten points for guessing the  real “Frankenstein” song.)

I am looking for short, astounding quotes from children. Format should appear as such:

“Tell the Frankenstein.” -Zac, aged 7 years.


  • Submit no more than 38 quotes.
  • Do not have to be merely funny. I am on the look-out for what Bragien Davis calls “a ‘sense’ of humor.”
  • Props to submissions that show the simple, epic way children have of evoking the universal.
  • Sad is good, too.
  • Of course, it never hurts to be effortlessly hysterical.

Do not include song title. Make me guess. Unless:

  • the title comes as part of a very short essay. Up to 500 words. Here is a smashingly well-written example.
  • (Okay, that example is more like 1200 words. Do what I say, not what I do.)
  • revealing the title is essential to getting the joke. Example:

Sung to the tune of the opening five chords from Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony:
“May I be excused?” -Jaden, aged 4 years.

Contributors will receive:

  • an invitation to any bookstore reading in their area. As was the case in Willy Wonka, contributors may bring a grown-up. But only one. As you know, invitations to bookstore readings are as precious as golden tickets.
  • the opportunity to read their own submission.
  • a one-time fee of 25 cents, to be presented in front of everyone at said reading, along with a marvelous Certificate of Publication. If not able  to attend, the contributor will be mailed the quarter and certificate.
  • grown-ups will receive a great deal of nachus.

Please send your submissions to allehall@blarg.net. Include Frankenstein in the subject line.

As this project is looking for a publisher, I would like to work with people I can trust. Please forward only to grandparents and the like, plus and any famous writers you happen to know.

Deadline: July 14th, 2011.